Why does this always happen?

The whole thing started when I asked Mandy, two weeks ago, if she wanted to go shopping with me today. She answered by saying she didn't know if she could or not. Last week, I asked her again. She said she as kinda busy this week and still didn't know. Two days ago, I asked her AGAIN and she said she didn't know. I then asked her to call me, which she ended not doing, but she texted me asking what time and who was driving. I told her something like "maybe 10ish and idk if my 'rents can drive". She said her parents couldn't drive either and asked if we could go shopping some other time. I was like "whatever, i guess".  I, then, asked my friend Tory to come to the mall with me and she said sure and so we came to the mall today. We were happily shopping until I see a group of girls from our school go into 'Garage'. I told Tory we should follow them to see if I knew anyone in the group. The first person I see inside the store is... you guessed it, Mandy. I was so pissed and a little hurt. She can't go shopping with me but she can go shopping with her new "besties"????? At least I try to be friends with her! It's like she doesn't care at all! ~Wannabe

Relationships

If you  people look at the people I'm following, there is one blog called "You are a puzzle piece in the universe". I was reading a post on that blog and a line jumped out at me:
"Relationships are like bridges: overload them and they will break; don't bother to maintain them and they will rot."
It makes huge sense! Well at least more sense then some things people have told me in the past. If you try to be friends with someone and get clingy or want the person to do things your way or something like that, eventually the person won't put up with that and won't want to be your friend anymore. But if you are friends with someone but don't take time to hang out with them or make them feel like you aren't friends with them anymore, they will leave you. I can relate to both of them. You should check out that guys blog though, it's really good and makes a whack of sense.
~Wannabe

Friends again?

Well until recently, I thought I had fixed the whole friend issue. Megan and I are now friends again and my good friends Teresa, Janet and I are eating lunch together now. The only problem is Mandy. I thought we fixed it and we had both apologized to each other but she doesnt talk to me at school and if she does she always brushes me off or gives me an icy reply. You know, if she didn't want to be friends with me, she could've said something! I keep running back to her because... I don't know why but I do! Apparently now she has a "boyfriend" but she isn't aloud to date yet. Her mom said she could "hang out" with him but he still calls her his girlfriend. Well at least someone makes her happy! Can someone answer this please: Is it too much to ask for me to have a best friend again that loves me the way I love her? Is it? Because if it is, I will leave Mandy alone. For good.

~Wannabe

Forget me not

As you know, if you've been following my blog, many of my friends have left me behind. I don't know why they did it, maybe my fault, maybe theirs, i don't know. I know I have Jesus to lean on but I guess it ain't the same as a human best friend. I have faith that God will send me the right person to fill that space in my life.
What I've probably always wanted, sometimes without knowing, is that I just want to fit in and be one in the group, whatever it may be. That's why I think I was so attached to my former friends, because with them I felt safety and comfort. Now that they're gone, I have to step outside my comfort zone, outside my bubble of safety, and find some one to lean on and to be leaned on, some one I can trust, I know will always be there. I need someone who will hold my hand and help me get through whatever the heck is going on in my crap of a life. The only thing I would like is that my former friends would not forget me. That they won't forget the marks, however small, I made on their lives. I love them all dearly and I hope they find what they're looking for in a friend they didn't find in me!

p.s. anybody who would like to pray for me, about my friend problem, it would be much appreciated!
~Wannabe

Pissing off friends is easier than it looks

Yesterday evening I had a really bad fight with my friend Megan. I don't even know how it started but I was blaming her because Mandy wasn't telling me who she liked. It was really stupid but I was pissed anyway.  Then, after a little bit of texting each other mean comments, I called her a bi***. Then she replied "no wonder ur a loner!" that really hurt but I deserved it. After that, I started apologizing a lot! I sent her like 20 apologies! I even wrote her a letter saying I was sorry and I slipped it in her locker. Then I got a text from Mandy saying:

Why r u being such a jerk to Megan? She has enough to deal with right now and she doesn't nee to hear all this crap from you. I don't even like hanging out with you anymore becuz yes, you have been acting jerkish lately and u take offense so easily. And since when r u swearing?? I'm disappointed in you. Just stop talking to Megan that way!

That hurt! It wasn't even her business! Gosh she is sooooo annoying! And then I spazzed at her too! But after that, I still said sorry because I knew I was being the bi***. Anyway soooo I am back to lonerville! Yay.

~Wannabe

If I cry, I won't stop

In homeroom, we are talking about friendships. Things like what makes a quality relationship and what do you value in a relationship? For some reason, I want to cry everytime we talk about loyalty and being loyal to the friends you have or had and standing up and by your friends forever. I hate it. I know if I start crying, I won't be able to stop crying. It's so.... not right! Why do I get to cry forever when everyone else is having a perfect life in their perfect bubble?!?!?! And last night, (I won't explain the whole story) I stayed up until 2am and finally fell asleep, crying! Why am I suddenly so emotional?!?!!? WHAT DID I DO TO FEEL THIS WAY CONSTANTLY?!?!?!?!?!?

~Wannabe