The best time of the year to forget about sleep

This year, we went are in Vancouver for Christmas because my aunt and uncle live here and my grandma can just fly down. The ride to "the city of rain" was a long 5(ish) hour drive and I was sleeping most of the time. Because our car isn't made for people to be sleeping in it comfortably, while it's moving, I had to sleep in an awkward position the entire way down and I was very sore afterwards and I still am.  We stayed at my uncle's friends' house because they needed someone to look after it and we didn't all want to cram into my aunt's one bedroom apartment. It's a pretty nice house but in the room where my sister, Beth, and I are sleeping there's a crucifix on the wall. Seeing that reminded me of Nightmare on Elm Street and I ended up reading by the light of my phone until 3:30am. The nights after that were okay but I'm still pretty freaked out from it. Christmas Eve, we stayed up quite late talking which was nice.When the clock stroke twelve, I asked my mom if we could open a presents which, obviously, was shot down quickly with one look. So the next morning, by 11am, we had each opened one gift and then stopped for breakfast. It's just ridiculous how long it takes! Last year, opening gifts took us TWO DAYS! One of the things I asked for Christmas was that we open all the presents in one day. This year we finished opening gifts at 3:30pm. After that, we had a wonderful Christmas dinner with a lot of food and I managed to contain myself enough that I did not eat all of it :) The one I will remember the most from this Christmas, though, was the fact that every single night, Josh would text me at like 12 or 1am and we had conversations lasting for an hour or two. After we said goodnight, I would grab my iPod, put in my head phones and listen to a few songs. Then, I would have to go find All I Do Is Win (By DJ Khaled ft. Ludacris, Rick Ross, Snoop Dogg and T-Pain) and listen to it once before I fell asleep. For some reason, listening to that song made it easier for me to get to sleep and not think about things that freak me out and make me stay up until 3 in the morning. So that was my Christmas! Not completly uneventful but still slightly a little boring. There's always next year, though!
~Wannabe

I've crossed the bridge

In one of my earlier posts, I said that I wanted to get over Dave. I've done it. I didn't force myself to do it or anything like that; I just stopped. He never showed any interest in me (which, to some, makes sense) and that is what started to discourage me. Then, I figured out he was actually a bit of an asshole (it took me awhile). Well, he's not a bad guy. He just does really stupid things sometimes and it comes off like being a jerk. Anyway, I'm over him. Totally over him. The candle's gone out. The bridge has been crossed. That part of my life is over. It's almost pathetic how long I liked him. Whatever. The point is I'm over him. Completely and totally over him.
~Wannabe

I'm right here, you know

A million things have happened this week! I can only tell you some of them, though, because I've been sworn to secrecy on the rest. The first order of business is that I won my basketball game today and I got a basket (it was epic)! Next, I'm kinda pissed at Leo because he's being a jerk to Chloe. He said that he wanted her to stop being his best friend but they could still be friends. Like what the heck??? He's being stupid about the whole situation. And finally, last but certainly not  least, I have am no longer publicly recognized as Mandy's best friend. Chloe is her best friend. Every time she is asked who her best friend is or something like that, it's Chloe. When she says stuff like that, generally I'm right beside her. I just want to say "Scuse me but I'm right here and I thought I was your best friend, if not, then at least one of them!". I just don't feel... appreciated, I guess. I don't feel like I matter that much to Mandy. Well considering the time, I'm going to sign off.
~Wannabe

Updates on...life

A couple things have happened recently. Maybe not even that recently but still pretty recent. Okay so Danielle and Leo broke up about 2 or 3 weeks ago. Turns out she didn't actually really like him. Well not in "that way" I guess. I feel bad for them because it's really awkward how they have all the same classes and see each other a lot. Danielle also doesn't hang out with us much anymore because of the fact Leo (and Nate) is generally around. Moving on, it snowed! Yay! I love the snow! Just kidding. I hate the coldness and wet. Unless it's rain but even then rain isn't that enjoyable.Yeah, it's a beautiful gift from God, I get that. I just can't appreciate the coldness of it.  Plus, we almost died trying to get up a hill and almost fell into a ditch. Well we (Me, Liv, Beth and Christa) were sitting in the back of the truck because we didn't have enough weight in the back of the truck. It was freezing. I only had a light sweater over top of a tank top on and I had had no idea that it was going to snow. But it did. Hard. I'm sure you probably don't care about snow or my problems with it so I will move on to the next thing. I went and saw Twilight: Breaking Dawn (part 1) two days ago and it was so good. Definitely the best one yet. The only problem was that everybody looked odd though it was mostly the vampires. Like their eyes were messed up and they didn't look as good as they did in the first movie. Well Taylor Lautner, now he looked good. He always looks good. Man, he's so hot. And those abs...sigh...um back to the movie. You should go see it cause it's sooo good. So now you've been updated!
~Wannabe

Mosh pit!

So a couple nights ago, I went to a Starfield concert. It was one of the best moments of my life and I will always remember it! I got a t-shirt and a wristband thingy. I also touched Tim Neufield's shoulder!!! Anyway, I went with my youth group (or most of it at least) and we got there fairly early. The seats were first come, first serve so we too half the front row and some people sat on the floor in front of us. The opener band kinda sucked but it was funny cause the lead singer kept flinging her hair all over the place. The next guy was named Jon Bryant and he was really good and I liked him a lot. Then, finally, Starfield came on and the crowd started screaming. Their opening song was 'Revolution' and everybody in the front made a mosh pit and we started jumping and singing to the song. The only problem with being in a mosh pit was that you get bumped around a lot so now I have quite a few bruises. The concert was totally worth it though! I'm so glad I went!
~Wannabe

Sometimes I daydream about how I'm going to die.

Most girls my age are thinking about things like hair and school and boys and clothes and crap like that. Yeah I think about that stuff most of the time, but sometimes, I think about the way I'm gonna die. Of course I don't know yet! Like I'm not I-know-everything-so-ha or anything like that! I still do think that like I might get hit by a car or be cut up with a band saw (kinda gross, I know) or be shot. I`m really paranoid at night. I always think there's somebody that's going to jump out of a bush or from behind a tree and kill me. I feel the worst at Halloween (you would know if you read the Halloween Nightmares post) but generally it's all the time. Do most people think about how they're gonna die? Maybe it's just me...
~Wannabe
p.s. I MADE TIER 1 WOOHOO!
p.p.s. Tomorrow is Starfield!

Halloween Nightmares

You know, I think Halloween is just a scam to make people buy candy in bulk and to make people fat. Just saying. That was kinda random. Anyway, so in French and Socials classes, my teacher is pretty cool and decided that we should watch a movie on Monday. I thought she meant something like Ghostbusters or Charlie Brown but apparently not. We watched a ton of trailers for these scary movies (which were not rated R) and I did my best not to freak myself out too much but that night (it was a Friday) I could not sleep. I read in bed until about 12pm and then thought I should turn out my light so I wouldn't bug Beth. I tried to sleep, I really did but every time I closed my eyes I saw snapshots of some of the parts that really creeped me out. I just lay awake for awhile but then I had to go pee. So when I was washing my hands, I came up with the idea to grab my pillow, a blanket, my book ('Heroes of Olympus Book 2: Son of Neptune' by Rick Riordan) and chill in the bathroom for awhile. I've only ever pulled one other one nighter and that was after we watched Nightmare On Elm Street. I thought I could do it again but at about 3:30am, I was so exhausted that I really had to go to bed. I managed to go to sleep after that.
My teacher finally decided on a movie to show us: The Signs. The trailer didn't look too bad but since I'm a wimp, I googled it and read about it on Wikipedia. Feeling prepared, I went into Socials class confident. You know, the movie wasn't terribly scary but I did scream once. I think the best part of that movie was the fact that Rory Culkin (Macaulay Culkin's brother) (who is really cute(like kid cute)) was in it.That night, it was basically a repeat of what had happened before except this time, I managed to sleep til about 1am when my alarm clock suddenly went off. I have a fairly big imagination and I started thinking about aliens and guys with knives and ghosts and I started getting really freaked out. This time, instead of chilling in the bathroom, I just stayed in my bed. I read ('Keeping the Moon' by Sarah Dessen) til about 4:30am when I decided to try and get some sleep. You know the problem about reading a book when you're a really tired is? You don't remember parts of it. I only remember about the last quarter or so of my book. Oh well, at least I can say I read it. I really just hate horror movies. The nightmares are kinda unpleasant and I just want to sleep. I've had about 8 or so hours of sleep combined in the past to days due to the cause that we watched signs and I had basketball practice really early this morning. Man this is a long post. Sooo ya Halloween is a horrible holiday. Except for the fact I get to eat a lot of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups which are uber delicious! Now I'm hungry so I'm gonna go scrounge up some food...
~Wannabe
p.s. 2 days until they post the Division A team list!

Starfield! (and soccer)

If you are Christian (or maybe you aren't), you've probably heard of a band called Starfield. They're soooo good. I think they're one of the most popular Christian bands out there. It consists of David Crisp, Gordie Cochran, Jon Neufeld and Tim Neufeld. The band is from Winnipeg Manitoba. The band started out making demos in a friend's basement, resulting in their first two independent albums Starfield and Tumbling After, which sold more than 20,000 units in Canada alone. Anyway, they have a concert at a church in our area and I am going to it and I'm so excited! I've actually never been to a *cough* concert before... Well I know a few people that haven't either but generally all my friends have been to at least one concert. I'm really excited!
Moving on, we had the last day of tryouts yesterday and I can't say I did great but I didn't suck either which is a positive. The second tryout day was my best but whatever. I really hope I make the team! I didn't actually want to tryout again this year because of what happened last year but when I learned that Anna's dad might be coaching, I really wanted to be on the team. They post the list on November 4th so cross your fingers and/or pray for me!

~Wannabe

At least we got a medal!

Last Sunday, I had my year-end soccer tournament. Generally my team has come in 1st or 2nd or the occasional 3rd. This year, we were 2nd in the league so we felt pretty good that we were going to win. Our first game was at 9am!!! It was freezing cold and it felt like someone was constantly standing on your foot with cleats on. We kept slipping on the frosty ground and Megan, our goalie, couldn't grab the ball because it was too slippery. We lost that game 4-0. It was slightly sad but we kept our hopes up for the next game. The second game, we played the only team the had beat us ever before, again. It started out pretty rough and they got a goal and eventually we got one back but they got another. We couldn't manage to get the ball into the other net and we lost 3-1. We weren't expecting to get a medal because we were fourth but we did and that made it all better! The medal makes all the difference.
~Wannabe

What's a Thanksgiving long weekend without Thanksgiving?

For most people, this weekend would have been a 3 day long weekend but for School district 23, Friday was a Pro-D day so students got a double weekend. Now you'd think since it's Thanksgiving we would have family over, be making goodies and throwing the old turkey in the oven. Nope. Not this year anyway. Let me walk you through our weekend:
Friday - Day of work for parents, day of chilling for kids
Saturday - No soccer (season's over), yard work, chilling
Sunday - Church, Dad watched football and hockey with friend, Dad went to concert, Mum went for dinner at other people's house, Kids made dinner and chilled
Monday - Late breakfast, chilled, kids went to youth, parents went to movie
So as you can see there was a lot of chilling going on. At some point, we probably could've had Thanksgiving dinner but, no, not happening. I'm still thankful for a lot but the dinner makes it feel more complete in a way. I'll probably be the only one in class that doesn't raise their hand when the teacher asks "Who ate turkey this week?". It feels so weird not having Thanksgiving. I love Thanksgiving. It's one of my favourite times of the year because the family gets together and we eat delicious food! I really do miss it right now. I hope it goes back to normal next year!
~Wannabe

Um...Awkward

In elementary school, Dave and I would joke and laugh and at least chat to each other and now it's like the only conversations we have are through texts. He's in practically every one of my classes and we've only said like three sentences to each other. It's really awkward. We used to talk all the time and now... well yeah awkward. I want to be his friend but all we talk about now is soccer and he keeps bringing up his and Mandy's fight. It's like we can't talk about anything else. I'm just done with the whole him and Mandy thing. I shouldn't have gotten myself involved. It was really stupid of me. Dave should really learn to figure out his own problems sometimes. Sigh...why can't it be like it used to be? Us all getting along and it not being really awkward at all? Oh well.
~Wannabe

Unlovable?

My friend, Danielle, got asked out a couple days ago by a guy she really liked. I was really happy for her and I'm already kinda meddling in their relationship (i.e. dragging Danielle to to her bf so they they can talk, etc. (nothing horrible like trying break them up or anything like that!)). Actually, as it turns out, Danielle's boyfriend, Leo, is best friends with Nate. So three of my closest friends (Mandy, Tory and now Danielle) have boyfriends which kinda leaves me and Chloe, my other friend. Oh and I just learned today that my sister got asked out too. I would have liked to have known, even though it's not really my business. It's like everybody has a boyfriend now! A thought that kept popping up in my head all day was Am I unlovable? Is there no guy out there that likes me? I know it sounds pathetic and stuff because I'm in grade 8 but I feel almost left out kinda and left behind and alone. My two BFFs have boyfriends and so do other close friends and my sister but I'm the odd one out. As I'm writing this,  I've been thinking about reasons why any guy might like me but really all I've been around guys is obnoxious and a jerk or really stupid. Hopefully I do have a 'soul-mate' out there but if not, than that really sucks.
~Wannabe

Build a bridge and get over it

You know, after everything that happened last year, I really need to get over some things. I keep holding on to them because I don't want to change the way I feel. First, I need to let go of the fact that, yes, Mandy has new friends, like Gail and Cate, and a boyfriend, Nate, but she is making more of an effort I guess to hang out with me but she still doesn't always include me. I should just be grateful for the fact she doesn't hate me. I need to get over the fact that she hurt me last year but now she is sorry and also has forgiven me. Second, I need to get over the idea that I don't have any friends because I actually do but I didn't acknowledge the fact that I did! I still have Teresa and Ginny and Evangeline and Megan (who, thank God!, doesn't hate me) and I am quite able to make new friends so I shouldn't be moping around around, thinking I'm a loner. And finally, I need to get over Dave. Why? Because I doubt he'll ever like me and I really just want to be friends with him. Liking him isn't getting me anywhere so I guess I'll just leave it at that. That's really all I want now, to be friends with him. Anyway, I hope this year is better than the last and I enjoy it!
~Wannabe

School

So apparently, in my homeroom, none of my friends are in my class. In every other class though, except Tech. Ed. (unfortunate that I got that) I have at least one or two friends which is extremely relieving because I don't want to be alone. Teresa and I hang out a lot and even Mandy comes and hugs me every once and awhile though she spends most of her time with Gail and Cate. What sucks the most though is that I got a cold two days into school! So, now, I blow my nose a lot, cough and talk in a strange voice because my throat hurts! Oh well. I hope school gets better and I can get some new friends or maybe keep my old ones or something like that. The start of school is always the worst so I'm hopeful, I'm hopeful. I'll keep you posted on the things happening! (don't forget to check out my other blog whathappenswhenblog.blogspot.com !)
~Wannabe

Alone

Soooo... it's been awhile. I realized I really missed this blog very much. I've had something on my mind for awhile. I've been thinking that since I only have Evangeline in my class this year that if I can't make other friends, I'll be alone again. No that one friend isn't good enough and I'm not grateful, I'm just used to having a large circle of friends and just Evangeline (who has other friends) might take some adjusting to. Ginny and I will hang out together sometimes I guess but it's gonna be harder considering we aren't in the classes.Tory has been avoiding me for awhile now. Every time I ask her to come over or to do something with me, she answers by saying she has to clean her room or she's baby sitting. It was ok the first few times then it just got pretty unbelievable. I just miss my friends. I don't want to be alone again because it sucked so bad. I just hope I can make friends or maybe my old friends will hang out with me again. A girl can dream, right?
~Wannabe

New Blog

Hey guys. Sorry I haven't blogged in awhile! Anyway, I've come to find this blog extremely depressing so I created a new blog 'What happens when...' (url is: www.whathappenswhenblog.blogspot.com). It's more funny and has nothing really to do with my life problems unless they involve bathing suit tops! So I will rarely post stuff on this blog anymore which is a shame cuz I really liked this blog. Also, this blog was meant for people who didn't know me or any of the people I'm talking about but it turns out I was stupid and I mentioned to people I shouldn't have so it's partially my fault but all the same I invite you to read my other blog which is open to all people and I don't give a crap if I know you and you read it! So this is Wannabe/Brook signing off for possibly the last time I post on this blog but if not, I'm still gonna sign off right now.
~Wannabe

Something worthless but priceless

I was thinking earlier today that there are things in life that are worth absolutely no money but they're worth completely everything to some people. To me, love, God and friendship stand out the most in my life. I think this of love because maybe some people try and buy love but it ends up being fake love or love that doesn't last. Love is worth everything to me because without it, it would be hard to live a happy life or a peaceful life. Second, I think God is worth everything thing and more! My relationship with Him is special and no one will ever take it away. Not a single soul out there could buy God so He is, in a sense, worthless but priceless. Last but not least, friendship. Friends are something I think humans couldn't survive without. Friends are loyal and caring people in my life and I would be nothing without them (as you could kinda tell from some of my previous posts). Again, they are worthless but priceless! If you think something is worthless but priceless, post a comment about it. I'd like to see your opinions!
~Wannabe

What can you do when the only one who can stop your tears is the one making you cry?

So today I sent an email to Mandy. I told her I was sorry for the things I'd done and that I really did care about about her. She replied by saying that she was sorry too. Then I thought something: What can you do when the only one who can stop your tears is the one making you cry? What I mean is Mandy was 'making me cry' by making me (not purposely) hurt and she stopped the hurt by forgiving me. See, my point is, best friends are like that: they do something that 'makes you cry' and then 'wipe away your tears' and tell you it's gonna be alright. I feel so much better knowing Mandy has forgiven me and apologized too. I feel better knowing she's given me a second chance. I hope we never fight this bad next year because I've missed her so bad this year. I care about her so much. I hope this is the last time I post something revolving the conflict between Mandy and me but if it isn't, that won't be fun.
~Wannabe

Port Hardy

Well lately my posts seem a bit depressing so I decided to brighten the mood with this post. In just 4 days, some of our youth group (11 of us) are going down to Port Hardy, on a missions trip. This is the third year our youth group is going down there but this is my first year going with them. While we are there, we are doing a Vacation Bible School for the kids. A VBS is where the kids come to the church and get to play games, make crafts and, above all, learn more about God. This year our VBS is a Hero Headquarters theme where "Kids join forces with God!". I signed up to be one of the super heroes in the skits. I also get to do crafts with Beth. I'm really excited about going there! I get to meet all these kids and I get to help them with their faith and grow in mine as well. I'm really glad I got this opportunity to do this because 1. my summer was boring anyway and 2. it will be extremely fun and exciting and I can't wait to teach kids about God!

~Wannabe

Hope I'm not being a bad friend!

Today, I was texting Mandy because I was bored and nobody else was replying to my texts. We started off just by chatting away and then Dave came into the picture. Here is how our conversation went (sorry for any sappyness you might find!(M=Mandy, B=Brook))

M: ugh! I almost cried when i found out that he was in my class again. idk how i'll handle him for another year! but i hav gail with me which is a gain!

B: When dave told me he was in ur class i felt really bad

M: for him or me?

B: Both
M: he shouldn't get any sympathy
B: i don't have a prob with him. it's ur fight
M: u were the one who kept callin him a jerk! oh i c! u do like him again!
B: I did call him a jerk, yes, but then i realized he was just hurtin too. And no i do not like him in that way again
B: Who am i kidding? I do like him!
M: brook, he called dme a bi*** among tons of other crap... i cant handle him anymore!
M: knew it.
B: Look I'm sorry okay!!! But i had nothing to do with him callin u a bi*** or whatever and im sorry i like him, okay, even tho i kno he will never like me back cuz he still likes u!
M: he's definetly not as nice as he seems. i never thought he cud be this nasty
B: so did i but even tho i thought i hated him for that, i didnt
M: i can read u like a book. when u said u didnt like him anymore, i knew it wasn't true but no matter what i still love you
..........
And then we continued talking about other things. Anyway, I was curious so... (D=Dave)
B: Hey dave. Can i ask u a question involving mandy?
D: Sure go ahead
B: Have u ever called mandy a bi***
D: Yeah i did, when i was really mad at her, and if your gonna think about it you'll understand why i did
B: ok. can i ask one more but u dont have to answer if u dont want to?
D: Ok sure
B: do u still like her?
D: Not even close
B: K just wonderin
..........
And our conversation ended there. I was wondering if I was a bad friend for not siding with Mandy and liking Dave. Like, I don't think that's really fair but would a good friend hate him??? I really don't know! Help?
~Wannabe

Why does this always happen?

The whole thing started when I asked Mandy, two weeks ago, if she wanted to go shopping with me today. She answered by saying she didn't know if she could or not. Last week, I asked her again. She said she as kinda busy this week and still didn't know. Two days ago, I asked her AGAIN and she said she didn't know. I then asked her to call me, which she ended not doing, but she texted me asking what time and who was driving. I told her something like "maybe 10ish and idk if my 'rents can drive". She said her parents couldn't drive either and asked if we could go shopping some other time. I was like "whatever, i guess".  I, then, asked my friend Tory to come to the mall with me and she said sure and so we came to the mall today. We were happily shopping until I see a group of girls from our school go into 'Garage'. I told Tory we should follow them to see if I knew anyone in the group. The first person I see inside the store is... you guessed it, Mandy. I was so pissed and a little hurt. She can't go shopping with me but she can go shopping with her new "besties"????? At least I try to be friends with her! It's like she doesn't care at all! ~Wannabe

Relationships

If you  people look at the people I'm following, there is one blog called "You are a puzzle piece in the universe". I was reading a post on that blog and a line jumped out at me:
"Relationships are like bridges: overload them and they will break; don't bother to maintain them and they will rot."
It makes huge sense! Well at least more sense then some things people have told me in the past. If you try to be friends with someone and get clingy or want the person to do things your way or something like that, eventually the person won't put up with that and won't want to be your friend anymore. But if you are friends with someone but don't take time to hang out with them or make them feel like you aren't friends with them anymore, they will leave you. I can relate to both of them. You should check out that guys blog though, it's really good and makes a whack of sense.
~Wannabe

Friends again?

Well until recently, I thought I had fixed the whole friend issue. Megan and I are now friends again and my good friends Teresa, Janet and I are eating lunch together now. The only problem is Mandy. I thought we fixed it and we had both apologized to each other but she doesnt talk to me at school and if she does she always brushes me off or gives me an icy reply. You know, if she didn't want to be friends with me, she could've said something! I keep running back to her because... I don't know why but I do! Apparently now she has a "boyfriend" but she isn't aloud to date yet. Her mom said she could "hang out" with him but he still calls her his girlfriend. Well at least someone makes her happy! Can someone answer this please: Is it too much to ask for me to have a best friend again that loves me the way I love her? Is it? Because if it is, I will leave Mandy alone. For good.

~Wannabe

Forget me not

As you know, if you've been following my blog, many of my friends have left me behind. I don't know why they did it, maybe my fault, maybe theirs, i don't know. I know I have Jesus to lean on but I guess it ain't the same as a human best friend. I have faith that God will send me the right person to fill that space in my life.
What I've probably always wanted, sometimes without knowing, is that I just want to fit in and be one in the group, whatever it may be. That's why I think I was so attached to my former friends, because with them I felt safety and comfort. Now that they're gone, I have to step outside my comfort zone, outside my bubble of safety, and find some one to lean on and to be leaned on, some one I can trust, I know will always be there. I need someone who will hold my hand and help me get through whatever the heck is going on in my crap of a life. The only thing I would like is that my former friends would not forget me. That they won't forget the marks, however small, I made on their lives. I love them all dearly and I hope they find what they're looking for in a friend they didn't find in me!

p.s. anybody who would like to pray for me, about my friend problem, it would be much appreciated!
~Wannabe

Pissing off friends is easier than it looks

Yesterday evening I had a really bad fight with my friend Megan. I don't even know how it started but I was blaming her because Mandy wasn't telling me who she liked. It was really stupid but I was pissed anyway.  Then, after a little bit of texting each other mean comments, I called her a bi***. Then she replied "no wonder ur a loner!" that really hurt but I deserved it. After that, I started apologizing a lot! I sent her like 20 apologies! I even wrote her a letter saying I was sorry and I slipped it in her locker. Then I got a text from Mandy saying:

Why r u being such a jerk to Megan? She has enough to deal with right now and she doesn't nee to hear all this crap from you. I don't even like hanging out with you anymore becuz yes, you have been acting jerkish lately and u take offense so easily. And since when r u swearing?? I'm disappointed in you. Just stop talking to Megan that way!

That hurt! It wasn't even her business! Gosh she is sooooo annoying! And then I spazzed at her too! But after that, I still said sorry because I knew I was being the bi***. Anyway soooo I am back to lonerville! Yay.

~Wannabe

If I cry, I won't stop

In homeroom, we are talking about friendships. Things like what makes a quality relationship and what do you value in a relationship? For some reason, I want to cry everytime we talk about loyalty and being loyal to the friends you have or had and standing up and by your friends forever. I hate it. I know if I start crying, I won't be able to stop crying. It's so.... not right! Why do I get to cry forever when everyone else is having a perfect life in their perfect bubble?!?!?! And last night, (I won't explain the whole story) I stayed up until 2am and finally fell asleep, crying! Why am I suddenly so emotional?!?!!? WHAT DID I DO TO FEEL THIS WAY CONSTANTLY?!?!?!?!?!?

~Wannabe

POP!

So today I was trying to decide what to wear. I finally picked a blue, plaid shirt that once was my sister's. I was in the middle of buttoning it up and one of the button's popped off! Like I knew it was going to be tight but I didn't know it was going to be this serious. Maybe I need to lose a little weight? Dunno but probably. I know I am not overweight but I know I am definitely not skinny!!! Stupid blue, plaid shirt! It made me realise that I have a problem!  

~Wannabe

Breaking away

Practically all my life I've tried to be someone else, whether it be my sisters, friends or people I didn't even know. Now i know that all that was stupid. Trying to be someone else is not fun at all. People can tell if you're faking something and you end up looking foolish. This is why now I want to break away from all that. The only problem is that it's hard to break away from something that I've done my entire life. Pretending to be someone I'm not is all I ever do. This is all I know. Being myself is the challenge.I DON'T KNOW HOW! HELP PLEASE! ANYBODY! HELP!

~Wannabe

There goes another one

Since January, I've been losing some of my best friends. First, it started when two of my besties, Anna and Linda, since kindergarten started hanging out with a couple of girls in my class. Then it turned into a fully fledged clique. They do EVERYTHING together now! Next (more recently), I started making more friends but they started getting pis**d off at me because I am sometimes ignorant and a jerk. After that (the most recently), my best friend, Mandy, started getting really colose to this girl in her class named Gail. She just had a sleepover with her AND they went shopping. It takes me soooo much effort to convince Mandy to go shopping with me but suddenly Gail can make she go just like that?!? I don't know what I'd do without Mandy. She's been with me through a lot and I love sooooo much. I think it would just hurt too much if I lost her. I've told her how I felt but I don't know if she understands the way I feel. I f anyone has had or does have a situation like me, please help me! I don't think I can cope well enough with this!
~Wannabe

Touch Screen Technology!

Dolphin!

I got this new phone and I'm really excited about it! I call it my dolphin cause it's BLUE! It has touch screen technology! Oooooh! Aaaaaah! It's a a definite huge step-up from my old, mean cellphone. Did you know they don't even make that brand of phone anymore? It was also my older sister's phone before it was mine. Wow, hand-me-dowms always seem to find me! Anyway, I reallly like my new phone! It's sooooooo petty and shiny! Ever heard of ADOS? It's Attention Deficit OH SHINY! Yep, most people have it. Mainly girls. Ever wondered why they say diamonds are girl's best friend?

~Wannabe

Appreciating food makes me grumpy

So today, some people in my youth group, including me, are not eating food all day because it's the 30 hour famine. The 30 hour famine was created by World Vision so people could raise money for kids that don't have food while not eating. It's like living 30 hours in the life of a hungry kid. We started this morning at 12am and it ends tomorrow at 6am. It really makes you appreciate food. Right now, it's lunch at school and I'm surrounded by the scents of food like hamburgers, curry and oranges. It kinda sucks but I'm surviving! I'm really grumpy, though, and my friends are really getting pissed off at me cause they're pissing me off. All you believers out there (and none-believers, too!) please pray that I don't bite my arm off in desperate hunger!
~Wannabe

Jerks and Mean Cellphones

My cellphone does not like me. It does bad things to me. The first thing that happened was I was texting my friend, let's call her Cassidy, and she was being a world class jerk so I sent her a text that said:
You're such a jerk but you wouldn't even realize it! You hurt people!
And I sent it. I get a message back from another friend, let's call him Sam, saying:
Excuse me but what did I do?
That was all confusing until I realized that the text about Cassidy being a jerk went to Sam instead! I felt horrible. I didn't even want to touch my phone for the longest time. Sam still hates me for sending him that text and he won't talk to me even though I have sent him numerous apologies. So that was incident numero uno.
The rest happened within a span of 15 minutes. I grabbed my phone and was about to leave for school and I ran into a doorknob. Yes a doorknob. Not a door but a doorknob. Anyway, after that I was walking down the hallway to the kitchen to grab my luch and I wasn't watching were I was going and... I RAN INTO A WALL! My luck and karma is terrible. I want to say that was the end of the pain and torture but, sadly, it wasn't. I, then, proceeded to trip down the stairs and land face first. YAY! Not. My phone seriously hates me.
~Wannabe

"Maybe" Beauty

So most girls now think they're ugly or fat and they hate themselves for it but in truth they are so beautiful. I have decided to call this problem "Maybe" Beauty. "Maybe" Beauty is when you think you're ugly but others say you aren't so you think "Maybe I am pretty" or "Maybe I am ugly" so it turns into "Maybe" beauty or MB for short. I know I definitely have MB because some days I like "Wow I look hot!" and others it's like "I'm so fat and ugly!". It changes everyday and I can't seem to help it. I'm not overweight but I'm not skinny either and I think it's easier for people like me to have MB. So if you think you have MB maybe you should contact me and I'll try and help you in anyway possible (except giving you a complete makeover :D)

To Grandma's House, We Went!

Okay, so this is the second week of our spring break and the first part of this week wasn't so great. My mom, my sisters, my aunt and I went up to my Grandma's house, in Terrace, for a few days and while we were up there we went shopping. We spent several hours in a couple stores but when we went into a particular store named Trigo's, I was truly happy to be shopping! It was like a store created just for me! I loved it there but everything was pretty expensive so my mom wasn't exactly prepared to get us anything. I found the cutest bathing suit ever and I tried it on and it fit just right! I asked my mom if I could get it and she said we were leaving but we could come back later. We ended up not going back and I didn't get anything that day.Later that night, my mom came into my room asking if I was alright and I said yes. This is how the rest of the conversation went:
"Are you sure because you seemed a bit perturbed?"
"Ummm thanks but I'm fine."
"Are you sad that you didn't get anything?"
(I kinda was) "Noooo."
"You know I didn't get you that bathing suit because I though it wasn't very flattering on you, right?"
(I was just about to cry at that point) "Umm thanks again, Mum."
"Are you sure you're okay?" (She was getting up to leave.)
(Nope!)"Yeah!"
I was pretty much fine up until that point but my mom saying that the bathing suit didn't look good on me, crushed me. I know I'm not exactly skinny (I'm on the chubbier side) and it's hard to find bathing suits that look good on me and all I want is to be slim! After she left, (I know it might sound like I'm a baby but I'm not) I cried for a while. It hurt! It was like the one bathing suit in the entire store that I thought looked good on me and my mom tells me "It wasn't very flattering on me!" hurt! I told my friend about this but she didn't seem upset about it at all. She told me her mom tells her that stuff a lot but that didn't comfort me at all! I bet every body has had at least one moment in their life when somebody has called them fat but it might have been a joke. But whether it was a joke or not, it can really hurt somebody! So maybe the next time you're about to call somebody fat (even if you don't mean it) think about this post!
~Wannabe

Skiing!

So this week was spring break and my family and some friends went and stayed at a condo and went skiing for a few days. I've been skiing since I was like 4 but I'm not super good. My friend, Lauren, on the other hand is an amazing skier. She can do moguls, steep slopes, trees, jumps and every black diamond on the mountain! I always feel really slow when I'm skiing with her family because they are so much better than I am. I'm just trying to keep up and I never think about what happens if I go to fast and fall head over heels! I just can't keep up and they get annoyed when I want to do easy runs like greens. I've always wanted (there's that word again) to be able to ski with them without making a fool of myself. I'll never be up to speed with them! Sorry, that was lame but I really never will be able to catch them when I ski!

~Wannabe

My Friends

So everybody has them or at least should have them: Friends! I have wonderful friends that I care about dearly but I always feel so insignificant to them. I have three really, really good friends and we've been friends since kindergarten. We were almost always the smartest people in our class and we all play soccer and we are very good at it. My good friend, Linda, is probably the smartest out of all of us except she isn't very outgoing or anything like that. My other friend, Anna, is very smart as well and she is an amazing soccer player. My best friend, Mandy, is such a good soccer player and she is super smart and she is very sweet and people seem to like her very easily. I envy Mandy the most though because she is almost perfect in everything she does and I don't know how she does it. Also, guys tend to like her more and I think every guy I've ever liked, has liked Mandy or still likes her. Anna is a great friend but lately we've been growing distant (even though we're in the same class) because she has a bunch of new friends and so does Linda. Mandy and I still eat lunch together but she is in a different class and has new friends too. I shouldn't be so jealous of them but I am and compared to them, I feel so stupid and bad at soccer and at making friends and everything else and I just want to be like them!

~Wannabe

Hi World!

Hi. I just started this blog. It's all about how I am trying to find myself. It's true! All of it is! I'm always trying to be someone else. I don't know why. Maybe I think they'll like me better if I do. I don't know! Anyway just saying hi and hopeful some of you will know what I'm going through and can help me!

~Wannabe