I don't like what I see in the mirror

For awhile, I was pretty comfortable with my body; I didn't really care what I looked like. Now, though, I look at myself and I don't like what I see. I see my muffin top spilling over, my huge thighs, an uneven tan, and some frizzy hair. I don't feel pretty.
My friends would say "Don't say that! You're beautiful just the way you are!". The thing is, if I asked them to switch bodies with me for a day, they'd probably say no.
I was told once that it's my confidence that makes me pretty. What about the days when I'm not confident? What about the days when I'm so insecure and want to curl up in a hole and die? Am I less pretty then?
My point is that beauty is subjective so some people might say I'm alright but other people might think I'm downright ugly. I used to be okay with that. Now? I wouldn't want to switch bodies with me either.
~Wannabe

A symptom of depression: Helplessness

Last night, after finishing that last post, I went to bed. As soon as I turned off my light and crawled under the blankets, I lost control. I couldn't stop myself. I was sobbing, pulling at my hair, choking on tears. It went for a few minutes until I was gasping for air; I couldn't make myself breathe properly. Finally, I got air into my lungs and forced myself to calm down so it wouldn't happen again. I just felt so helpless and alone.
I needed to talk to someone but I couldn't think of anyone that I trusted who would wake up if I called them. If you have someone who is willing to wake up at 1am and listen to you cry on the phone, don't ever let them go. I wish I had someone like that.
When I woke up this morning, I didn't feel all there. I felt like part of me had disappeared.
For the last couple of weeks, in the back of my mind I've known that I'm not been alright. It's more than being sad and feeling sorry for myself.
Just before writing this, I googled 'symptoms of depression'. In a list of 11 symptoms, I identified with 10. That was scary but what was absolutely terrifying was when I googled 'symptoms of anxiety', I found I had all the symptoms of generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) and that anxiety and depression are closely linked.
Now I realise that I was just reading this off the internet and that I can't diagnose myself but the way I've felt these past couple of months, it just doesn't seem like a coincidence. 
My problem is what do I do now? Do I tell someone? Do I keep it to myself? I just feel so alone in all of this. Why is there so many things wrong with me?
~Wannabe

Right back to the start

It's crazy how things come full circle sometimes.
The people who I thought were my friends started blocking me out, ignoring me, leaving me behind. It took me too long to realise that it wasn't just a phase, that they didn't want me to be their friend. It hurt a lot. I will admit I cried myself to sleep a couple times. It stings when I see pictures of them hanging out and having fun or when I had to walk past them gossiping in the hallways. I just thought I was done with all that crap back in middle school.
After my "friends" rejected me, I was lost for awhile, slowly drifting, trying to find someone, something to hold on to. Eventually, the nicest, sweetest person I've probably ever met let me in to her life, into her circle. It took a little bit but soon I had friends again. They're good, kind people that accepted me for me.
Now that we've gotten to know each other better, I'm scared they'll start wondering why they even were friends with me in the first place. Once the cracks start to form, it's not like I can just put tape over them and hope they'll go away. These people mean the world to me and I don't think I'll be able to handle it if they leave me behind too.
~Wannabe