My broken, empty heart

I suppose I should have seen this coming. I mean, it always happens. Always.
This boy, that made me feel so special and treated me like I was the only girl in the world, did exactly what they've all done; he stomped on my already damaged heart and trampled it until there was nothing left.
How did he do such a thing? He happened to have recently gotten a new girlfriend and brought her with him to the homecoming football game, which, of course, I was at. One of his friends mentioned it to me and, since no one knew how I felt how about him, I had to pretend I didn't even care and laugh it off.
When I found out, though, something inside me just sort of collapsed and fell apart. I really wasn't angry or sad, though I did want to cry a little, I just felt very... hollow. It was like seeing them together was the final straw, it was the thing that finally broke me. I should be devastated. I should be bawling my eyes out and wanting to stab him in the face. But I don't feel anything.
I'm so empty, so devoid of emotion, that I'm actually a little scared. My head keeps telling me I should be feeling something and I try to force myself to feel it but it's not real. I was a wreck before, torn apart and sewn back together too many times to count, but now there's no other way to describe it except that I'm broken. I'm broken and I don't think anyone can fix it this time.
~Wannabe

A stupid boy and a foolish girl

I didn't really want to bring boy issues back into the picture on this blog because it just felt a little bit wrong to do that. I would've stayed completely away from the whole topic but recently there's been something that's really affected me.
I have been friends with this guy for awhile now and we talked a little bit at the end of summer and, when school started, we started talking even more. At first I was just happy being friends with him but then things started to change.
He was being increasingly nicer and sweeter and more charming and he made me feel so special. I was nearly on my way to being head over heels for him, to be honest. Then, all of a sudden, he wouldn't reply to my texts even if we were in the middle of a conversation, he practically avoided me at school and, when I did see him, he barely spoke to me. It was like I didn't even exist to him anymore.
I don't understand how he could be so nice and pay so much attention to me and the moment I start to think I might have feelings for him, he just disappears.
I'm so utterly confused and it's so frustrating trying to figure it all out. I want to yell at him and punch him and make him feel as miserable as I do right now but at the same time, I do still care about him, even if it is just as friends. I definitely don't want to not have him in my life but I don't know if I can and still be happy.
It's a little bit unfair, I think, that here I am, sad and lonely and altogether not alright, wasting my time thinking about this stupid boy and he's off going about his day, completely not bothered at all, because I really wasn't that important anyway.
~Wannabe

Thoughts on the way home from school

My nail polish is chipped
There's a blister on the back of my heel
My hair is a bit too frizzy
And makeup can't hide my acne that well
I crave attention and I care too much what others think of me
I don't know what I'm doing and I don't really know who I am
But I do know that I deserve better than what I have right now
I deserve to be happy
I deserve to love and be loved
I deserve someone who'll always reply to my texts
I deserve someone who knows my favourite colour and my favourite song
I deserve someone who would always pick me to be on their team first
I deserve someone who knows when I need a hug and who treats me like their equal
I know I don't deserve the best
But I definitely deserve better than this