what's the point?

How many people in their lives at some point or another have asked what's the point of it all? I guarantee a lot of people nowadays would say they have. Because it's easy to get lost. It's easy to lose track of the meaning of everything. It's easy to wonder at the purpose of life. It's easy because there isn't a Point.

What is your answer when someone asks what's the Point? Let me tell you what I've been told. 

The Point is "to find happiness", "to find peace", "to fulfill your life's purpose (whatever the fuck that means)", "to honour God", "to find love", "to make a difference in the world", "to change someone's life", "to live life to the fullest". Or my favourite, "I don't know but I'm trying to figure it out". 

This is what people desperately cling to and believe in. And it's bullshit.

Because who really knows. I sure as hell won't pretend to. In fact, I don't really believe there's a Point. I run through the list in my head over and over, trying to figure out if anything in my life really has a meaning to it that goes beyond the surface, that really has an impact on my life. And I come up blank every time.

It's so easy to lie to ourselves and try to find meaning in every detail of our lives when in reality, nothing really matters. I don't know why I expect to hear something profound or life changing every time I ask. I think I keep holding onto hope that someone will actually have an answer that will satisfy me. But it's a never ending cliffhanger that I subject myself to daily. 

What's the point of working hard? What's the point of chasing after boys? What's the point of going to church? What's the point of praying? What's the point of taking pills to fall asleep at night? What's the point of telling anyone what's wrong? What's the point of eating healthy and exercising? What's the point of buying new clothes? What's the point of getting good grades? What's the point of going to university? What's the point of auditioning for this scholarship? What's the point of working 7 days a week? What's the point of writing all my feelings down? What's the point of feelings? What's the point of any of it? What's the Point?

Hard work pays off in the long run. How will you find your soulmate if you don't try? To praise and worship God. God hears what you have to say. Sleep is important for your overall health. People love you and they want to help. Good health is key for living a long life. You gotta keep up with the latest trends and so people will like you and accept you. Good grades means a good education. University is a great experience socially and academically, and a degree helps get jobs. You need the scholarship because you can't afford university. Like I said, you can't afford university. Because people get annoyed when you complain too much. It means you're still human, you're still alive. Is there a point? No, there isn't one.

I can ask the questions. I can answer them. Sure you can argue with me about my answers but deep down I think we all know the truth otherwise why would we keep asking? Why would we keep seeking reassurance that everything has a meaning, that we have a purpose?

Personally, I don't want to anymore. I don't want to keep asking over and over "What is the Point?". I don't want to have a Point. I don't want to be here. I'm done.

Go ahead. Tell me I'm giving up, that I'm young and naive and I have family and friends and a whole future ahead of me. So what? Until you can tell me what the Point of everything is and give me an answer that isn't bullshit, I don't care.