I've noticed lately that every time something starts to go wrong, I can't imagine it being any worse than it is in that moment and I tell myself that everything has to get better. Like the laws of the universe state that you have to hit a low point in your life before you get to the good parts in life. The thing is that I feel like I'm at my designated lowest-point-in-my-life-and-things-couldn't-be-worse moment and the next day it feels like everything is okay. But it turns out it's not.
It's just a roller coaster. I get a few bad days in a row and then I get a great day and it gives me hope but then it all just goes back to the way it was. Good days scare me. Being happy scares me. I don't want to be lead on by the feeling that everything is becoming fine and dandy when it's not.
I'm more used to bad days than good days now. So much so that sometimes I wonder if it would be better to continue to be unhappy instead of having nice moments every once in awhile. They're always too short. The good days always end too early. What if the rest of my life is like this? A never ending cycle of a whole lot of bad days and a few good ones here and there.
I want to get off this ride. This is not what I paid for.
~Wannabe
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